Monday, September 19, 2011

Chicken or Beef?

Airline food. It is, at best, the better of two evils. But there is always a better choice. There is always one dish that is superior to the other. But which one. The only information you are given is chicken or beef. Really? That is like asking if I want the red car or the blue car. Do they both come with leather? What do they look like? Are they all wheel drive?

I start early trying to figure out the best choice. I am peeking over the seats in front of me trying to catch a glimpse of the choices or possibly just a whiff to give me an idea of which is the better choice. The row in front of me is being served but they are not peeling back the foil in time and now she is looking at me and asking "chicken or beef?" I don't know! I don't have enough information! I am jammed into a full flight with no way to get out of this seat, food is all I have to distract me from my cramping legs. If I make the wrong decision on this 10 hour flight, my blood sugar will drop and I will get shaky and weird and angry that I made the wrong choice. Oh god, she is asking again..., the chicken!

And the girl sitting next to me orders the beef. This is the worst possible situation. If I ordered wrong then I will be presented with the superior choice right next to me. Had she ordered the same thing as me I might have someone to commiserate about the poor meal we were having. This is terrible! I am waiting for her to pull back the foil. This is a must. Do not reveal your hand until you have seen theirs. As she pulls back the foil, I hold my breath. Oh god... It is disgusting. Awful! Brown and smothered in gravy with no clear idea of what the side dish is because it is covered in gravy. It is time for the moment of truth. I pull back my foil and reveal a beautiful display of chicken with white rice and the most beautiful green beans. I mentally pump my fists in the air! I am not going to go into a blood sugar coma on board the 10 hour flight! I out ordered the total stranger sitting next to me! I gambled, had a fifty-fifty chance, and won! I am feeling victorious!

I enjoy my chicken and rice while she picks through her beef gravy concoction. It turns out the red car has the heated leather seats and the great sound system. She is in the blue subcompact with no AC. I am the superior orderer.
So that she can stave off starvation, she is eating her dessert first. I, on the other hand, am saving my chocolate brownie for later in the 10 hour flight. Now, here comes the drink cart. I order a diet coke and am just popping the top on my can when she says "Bud Light Lime, please". What????? They have Bud Light Lime? Wait! What? What just happened...? Um, can I change my mind? I take it back! Please! I did not know you had BLL! Dammit! I am defeated. I look longingly at her beer and think of offering her my chicken and rice. A Bud Light Lime. It has been over 10 days. Suddenly, my smugness is gone.

I think I will finish my chicken and rice and pop a benadryl and go to sleep. I am so depressed.

No comments:

Post a Comment