Monday, June 18, 2012

Finding the Joy

I am titling this post not for what I have done, but what I hope to do.  Several people have commented that I haven't blogged since I have been back.  There is a reason.  I have nothing good to say.

Then one of my friends contacted me via email this last weekend and said that it makes her feel so much better to read about Lucy as she does not feel so alone and isolated anymore.  I have had 2 friends share with me their experiences with their children after I so publicly shared mine.

When I returned from Mexico I went to several state agencies who are supposed to provide you with resources.  I went to the Parent Child Center of Tulsa first.  From the way I was dressed the receptionist assumed I was a volunteer.  (Because people above the poverty line are not in danger of child abuse, right?)  They have a great resource called PCIT, Parent Child Interactive Therapy.  It sounded like just the thing that Mike and I needed to give us the tools to understand Lucy's outbursts and help diffuse them instead of fuel them.  But we make too much money.  They only take SoonerCare which Lucy is most certainly not enrolled in.

I then contacted the Health Department and was told that I should contact the Parent Child Center.  But I was finally able to find a private center that takes private insurance and I feel very optimistic about going.  The way this therapy works is ideal for Lucy.  She does not fight or argue or meltdown for anyone but Mike and me.  So this therapy takes place in private room with toys and two-way mirrors.  Mike and I both have ear buds in our ears and there are child psychologists on the other side of the mirror watching us interact and helping us, giving us words to try and bring her off the precipice when she gets there.

We go for our first appointment to see if we "qualify" on July 10th.  I decided to write about this journey as it has helped at least a couple of my friends.

But what I am most excited about is the description of this therapy.  It says that it "can" improve family relationships and help you find the joy in your child again.  I can't speak for Mike, but I have lost the joy.  The temper tantrums and fights about the most basic life skill are sucking the joy out of every day.  I dread bedtime, dinner time, bath time, reading time, basically any time where Lucy will probably become defiant.  And it can change so quickly that you feel cheated when you start to enjoy her and then she flips the switch to angry.  You think, hey wait...I was just giggling and cuddling with you.  How did I just become the enemy?

And just in case you are thinking what we were thinking about a year ago...she is not bipolar.  She would not be able to control that at daycare or for babysitters.  She only does it with us.  And THAT ability to turn it on and off when she wants to, puts her in a different category.

So I am making a commitment to blog about one joyous moment for each gut wrenching one.  I will continue to be honest for those of you who need to know you are not alone.  But I will try to focus on her positive moments.

Furthermore, I am looking for the joy with Emma Jane as well.  She has fallen into the background of this drama around her.  I am making a commitment to her to bring back the joy in our house.  Play in the sprinklers, ride bikes, bake cookies...whatever.

Summer is short. They are only little for a short while.
Let's find the joy...


  1. what a great post friend .. i promise you will find it again .. the joy .. and my guess is .. the whole family relationship is going to grow and become much stronger thru this process ..

  2. I hope the sessions are successful for your sweet family! It is so refreshing to read an honest post about parenting. It helps me keep my expectations in check. I read so many blogs about these perfect families and let's face it no family is perfect.