Monday, August 6, 2012

Poison Control and a Dead Porcupine

When we set out on our road trip a week ago, Lucy said she had a sore in her mouth.  Boy, did she ever!  It was when she stopped eating ketchup that I knew something was wrong.  She cried about her mouth hurting and she was miserable at every meal.  Lucy loves ketchup.  Once when I asked her if I could steal a french fry she said "yes, mommy, I only use them to get ketchup in my mouth".  So when we were driving through Kansas and Colorado and she stopped eating ketchup or any salty foods of any kind, I realized that we were in trouble.

So I bought some canker sore medicine.  She let me use this for a day or so, but it caused more trouble than it helped.  So near the Colorado Utah border I stopped at a Walgreens and bought some Hydrogen Peroxide.  I took a bottle of water from the ice chest and drank half the water.  Then I poured H2O2 in with the water until it was half water, half H2O2.  Then every time we would stop I would make Lucy swish her mouth with the mixture and spit it out into a cup.  She would complain and cry and say how bad it tastes.  How bad could it taste really?  She would fight me and say no and I finally decided it was more trouble that it was worth as well.  So she doesn't eat french fries or ketchup for a while.  What could be the harm in that?

When we finally got to a place where we were going to be staying for more than one night, I asked Mike to empty out the van.  We needed to reorganize and unpack and do some general cleaning of the floor for goldfish, trail mix and fruit loops.  I was standing in the kitchen of the condo when I realized that I had not had very much water since leaving Arches National Park.  I was probably dehydrated and even though I wasn't thirsty I should stay ahead of this.  So I grabbed a bottle of Dasani water that had been opened and I downed it.  I mean I leaned back and gulped it.  I swigged it all.  I didn't even stop to breathe until the bottle was empty. 

I noticed immediately that my throat was burning.  Then I started to foam at the mouth and I realized that I had just chugged the hydrogen peroxide and water mixture!  I have had poison control's number stored in my phone since Emma Jane was a baby.  I have never used it.  I called it.  I confessed that I was a 41 year old woman who had consumed 2 to 3 cups of hydrogen peroxide mixed with water.  He told me that I would probably throw up soon so I might as well expedite it.  It would take some of the burning away from my esophagus.  So I did.  It was not pretty.  However, I was pretty savvy about keeping my tribulations away from the kids.  I did NOT freak out.  I remained calm.  I was pretty sure no one even knew what happened.  I puked.  And foamed.  And frothed.  And brushed my teeth.  And drank more water.

That same night we were driving down the road to the restaurant that had the hummingbirds when we saw a dead porcupine on the side of the road.  It was gross.  The next morning we saw it again.  It was more gross.  It made an impression on Lucy.

On the way home I was asking the girls to tell me what they saw on the trip.  A verbal recap of the highlights of the trip.  After all, we had seen so many different kinds of animals and landscapes.  I thought it would be a good idea to solidify those memories in their heads. 

I started with "I saw a moose". 

Emma Jane said "I saw an eagle". 

Lucy said "I saw you throw up and a dead porcupine".



  1. The fact that you were a chemistry teacher makes this even funnier. Oh, and tell Lucy to cut out sugar (froot loops) for a while and her canker sore will heal faster.

  2. OMG!!!! that girl is hysterical!!!!! oh you and I will be friends for a long time. I cant wait to hear the stories of this child growing up!!!!! - love ya - Lori