I love 4 years old. You are such an adorable girl at 4. You stomp everywhere you walk because you like the sound your feet make. You love to put your hair in pig tails and they bounce when you stomp around. You love your blankies. You often give them human traits and then when I join in you remind me that they don't have feelings. I feel silly when you do this. You are still so very young. You suck your thumb and weave your blankie in between your fingers just so. You are very interested in numbers right now and addition is something you like to quiz us on. Your artistic abilities are like your sister's. You spend a lot of time crafting and coloring. You love your barbies and playing dress up. You talk non-stop with your family but can be shy and almost mute with others. You will hide behind my legs, clutching your blankie to your face. You feel safe when you are with your daddy or me or your sister. Sometimes when I am late to pick you up from gymnastics you have planted yourself outside the big girl dressing room waiting for your sister to take care of you. You are smart, too. So incredibly smart. You love to swim, read, watch Caillou, eat hot dogs, and talk. And when you can't remember what you were going to say, you say "I love you" instead.
I love how you smell in the morning when you are asleep. You smell like warm blankets and moist breath and soft skin. I love how your eyelashes look when they lay on your cheek The sound of you sucking your thumb, lets me know you are content. I love that you don't need personal space yet. I can get as close as I want to your face and kiss every inch of it and you don't think I'm odd. I want to capture forever the way you look stomping down the hallway to your room, with your pigtails bouncing. These days you are filled with joy.
I want you to know that without you our world would not have been complete. You are so very different from your sister. You are strong willed but loving. You always give me hugs when I don't feel good, and yes, they do help. I LOVE the sound of your laugh. You throw your head back when you laugh and it makes the whole room light up. I like to listen to you and your sister giggling from the next room. Your confidence in yourself is something I hope you keep forever. Don't ever lose the sureness with which you enter a room. Don't ever lose the quiet fortitude that you have when working on a difficult task. Perseverance is a quality that will serve you well in the future, even if I wish you did not have so much of it when I am trying to get you to stop and go to bed.
My darling baby girl, you are loved. The love we three have for you is overwhelming. I wish you could feel the emotions that course through my brain, heart and blood...pride for how smart you are, tenderness for how small you are, protective for all that life can throw at you, happiness that you find joy in so much, sadness that you are growing up so fast, surprise that you're so independent at such a young age, frustration that you don't trust me sometimes, anxious knowing that you will face disappointment someday, fear that I won't get to see you grown and with your own babies, but the most dominant emotion which encapsulates all the others is love. My love for you is endless. I will always love you, no matter what you do, or how far apart we are.
"Oh, and Lucy? I love you."